Feeling Like I'm Not Living Up To My Potential Due to CKD

I imagine having any health condition can sometimes make you feel that you're not living to your fullest potential. Especially if it impacts your day to day life.

For me, a standard day I feel pretty motivated and inspired. I'm excited for life and what I have to offer to the world. I'm excited to accomplish my goals and have a better understanding of the world. There is so much I am looking forward to.

The halt

Since the beginning of 2023, my kidney function was decreasing quickly and starting peritoneal dialysis was a shock to the system. It felt like my life came to a halt. That feeling you get when you feel stuck with no way out but you really want to get out. Like an itch.

Occurring was countless appointments, symptoms, no job, no energy and a whole lot of negative mental chat going on. I felt that I wasn't going to be able to achieve the life I wanted to live. It was hard being in my 20's watching my friends life begin and expand while mine was getting smaller and smaller.

In turn, It does make you feel sorry for yourself and a bit hopeless. I still wanted to be expanding my life into what I imagined life would be like, I just had to keep reminding my self that all of this is temporary.

Change of mind

A new kidney is hopefully on the way, and every thing could go back to normal. I thought like this for a while and realized once I was on top of all of my symptoms that I'm not going to wait for my new kidney to get back into action.

Yes, I think when your kidneys have declined you should take precautions to make sure you're not over worked, dehydrated, or exhausted. I was potentially over precautionary. I cut down to part time, cut back on food, barely exercised and had no hobbies. I was "resting", trying to give my body the best chance at healing. Which is a good thing to do in some cases.

But I was so worried about over working my little kidney that I did nothing and became extremely unmotivated.

I won't let CKD stop me

Eventually, I came to the realization that I didn't want my kidney to stop me doing things because of being worried I wasn't up for it. Therefore, I began, paddleboarding in the ocean, traveling on dialysis, and I even climbed up a mountain.

By pushing my self when I was at my worst, it has fired even more motivation in me for when I do have a transplant as I can now say nothing stopped me (within reason) when I was on dialysis, I can do it all with my new kidney.

I am still on dialysis waiting for a new kidney, I will continue reminding my self this is only temporary time of my life and I have many years to fill my potential.