I'm Not A Young Adult Anymore

I was first diagnosed with chronic kidney disease at 16, and instead of going to a children's hospital, I was referred to an adult hospital. This is because in the UK (where I live) you are seen as an adult at 16 in a health department.

I was always seen as a young adult, joining anything from groups to sessions to trips, anything and everything to do with CKD. I was always treated as a young adult or, as they call it, the in-betweeners. In April of 2024, as I turned 30 years old, it feels like it is a significant change. Of course, medical treatments or side effects of medication can change the older you get, but your CKD can impact your everyday life differently, the older you get. I've experienced having CKD from youth (still in my teens) to young adult (in my twenties) and now as an adult.

My anxiety has been challenging

I also have IBS that impacts me daily, and because of my IBS, I have to have medication to protect my stomach lining. Unfortunately, the heavy medication I'm on causes inflammation in my stomach, causing me to have stomach issues. The amount of surgery I have had doesn't only give me physical trauma, but mental trauma as well, and I've now noticed my anxiety is through the roof. It is something I can't pinpoint. Is it the side of medication, as those are one of the many, or is it all the trauma affecting me from having CKD?

I was able to manage much better and had a sense of freedom and lack of fear, but the older I got, the more responsibility I had. When I was younger, the main focus was my health, but in some moments, I felt like I could handle the bad news better now than I did when I was younger. Still, the overthinking comes in, and I tell myself I will be dealing with CKD all my life till I'm much older and of course, as we all, I'm sure we do, we analyze each little thing in our life and nitpick about regrets or what if's.

I can't bounce back like I used to

Of course, these aren't the only things that affect us... what about kidney health? A transplant patient wants their new kidney to last as long as possible. Still, the risk of my genetic disease attacking the kidney again is a fear I've already experienced, causing me to have a minor reaction caught early, which is why I am on a steroid to stop any more rejection of the kidney. The anxiety that comes with wanting to have a transplanted kidney lasts, but it's something that can, of course, affect all CKD patients. With help, I get through it with everyday professionals or from my support system.

I've learned that the older I get, that I'm not much of a spring chicken anymore. I can't bounce back like I used to and am not as active anymore. It takes me at least three days to recover after taking a day off. Still, I like to think I now know how to handle certain things much better, like knowing when to say no and when to put boundaries in place, but also to tell myself it's okay. I'm still me, but with my restrictions, I can have easier days living with CKD if I continue prose myself and not listen to the negative voices or opinions.