The Struggles of Putting Your Life on Hold for CKD

Have you ever experienced your life blossoming and then suddenly coming to a halt from something out of your control? Have you ever had to put all of your aspirations and dreams aside for a couple of days, weeks, or even years, while you deal with a chronic illness?

Picture this: you're in your 20s, learning about yourself, what drives and motivates you, what career you want to pursue, and where you want to travel. Then suddenly, you wind up on dialysis and can no longer travel or even work full time. You have a career, but you can't completely commit to it yet because you're waiting for a new kidney.

Welcome to my life!

When you start putting your life on hold

Luckily, for those of us with chronic kidney disease, it only really impacts most of us during the end stages. Meaning, stages 1 through 3b, or even potentially stage 4, symptoms are limited (although CKD does effect everyone differently). You can go about life pretty freely. You do have occasional appointments but that's about it.

In the later stages, symptoms arise some causing people to go into the hospital when experienced.

My life stopping and starting

Another example would be me right now as I am writing this article. I am sitting in a hospital bed, my peritoneal dialysis drained fluid (Also known as PD fluid) is cloudy and dark yellow. This is a sign of infection of my peritoneal cavity called peritonitis.

This will be my second time in hospital this week for this reason. A perfect example of putting my life on hold.

Don't get me wrong, I'd prefer to go hospital in case things got bad BUT coming to hospital means:

• Taking time of work
• Losing money
• Mentally stressed about taking time off work

How that impacts on my life

You may be thinking, health is always number one priority the other things shouldn't matter. Which is correct, but acknowledging how out of whack this puts me in my routines and finances for my every day life.

When I go to hospital, everything outside of the hospitals comes to a complete stop. As if you were about to run through an orange traffic light and realized your a bit late and slam on the brakes. That's what it feels like.

Mentally, I'm evaluating the things I'll need to do to catch up once I'm out. Emotionally, I'm stressing and angry that I can't be healthy and stay out of hospital for at least 3 months in a row. Physically, my body is secretly happy to be getting the rest it needs, but battling my mind for wishing things were different.

Overall, there are so many hurdles with CKD. Especially during the end stages. Life may start and stop multiple times, but if there is anything I have learned during this time is that things will eventually work out. As I've mentioned in previous articles, all you can do is keep calm and carry on.