Do You Realize You’re A Caregiver?

This is for the people who comfort, listen, and love every single day of their lives. I’ve lost count of how many meals I have prepared, grocery shopping trips, hospital visits, getting ice packs, heating pads, reading books, paying bills and don’t forget all the medications for both my parents.

Trust me, I am not complaining. I lost my mother a few months ago, my youngest son and father both have chronic kidney disease (CKD).

You are a caregiver

I have learned that dealing with a father who has CKD and in pain is a challenge at its best. It seems like this is new to me, but it’s not. Been doing it for years, but just not calling myself a caregiver. I’m getting pretty good at this. Just need to figure out when I am going to rest. We don’t get much of that.

It’s sad that our closest family members don’t understand what we go through daily. I have chronic illness myself, so they know what I have been through for several decades. They know my pain and what I have had to endure. There were so many days that I had to fake how I was feeling with them.

Consider yourself a caregiver if you do the grocery shopping, take them to doctor appointments, doing long distance care (I drive 4 hours a day), cook, clean, advocate for them, and know their social security number by heart. If you can push a loved one in a wheelchair, carry a bag, while opening a door with a cup of coffee, you are a caregiver. And let’s not forget the time we put in. You got this and yes, again, you are a caregiver.

Take time for yourself

If you ever feel overwhelmed, sad, or just plain tired and have too much on your mind, take a deep breath. I know for my situation, it’s just me. I don’t have anyone to step in, so I must be mindful of how I am feeling. My father is very strong willed, but I will never get angry at him. Even when he says I don’t know what I’m doing.

I have had to learn patience and have compassion these past few years. I try and understand what they are going through also. My mom was 88, and he will be 90 next month. Can you imagine what they have seem and done in their lifetime and now they can’t do any of it?

We are human

The one thing that I have had to realize is that we are human, and we do feel guilty. We are not perfect. You just know and believe that we are all doing the right thing and doing the best we can for our loved ones.

I used to think I was wonder woman and could do it all. Please ask for help. I know you don’t want to, but we don’t want to get burnout. Don’t struggle on your own, investigate some resources where you live. Look into adult care centers or even short-term nursing homes. You probably can even find some in home care. I have someone who comes in daily, just to do the cleaning, medications, wash clothes and fixed light meals.

You do important work

I just want you to realize how important what you do is. This is not easy but know they do appreciate you. They might never tell us, but they do. What matters to me is that I do this well and with love. We also need to remember that we must take care of us too.